The time is now
by Rebeliz777
Summary: A short one shot that diverts from canon. I dont think I'll be over 3x07 but I can damn right pretend it didn't happen in my fics.
…

She's peaceful in your arms. She's not sleeping but she's still, relaxed, and you hold her close. You don't ever want to let go. She's warm, softer than you ever imagined she could be but it doesn't surprise you. She's always been a warm presence for you.

Pressing your lips to her bare shoulder you spy a little smile tugging at her lips, she's glad and you're thrilled to be here. But you're still scared because this feels like a goodbye, _it is_ a goodbye in many ways and you don't want to leave.

A part of you strongly believes this is nothing more than a dream, a very good one, for you've never felt joy this strongly in your life before, you've never felt so connected, so a part of something bigger than yourself.

At this point you feel is impossible to be away from Lexa but you know that's not true. You'll survive being away from her, you have to, but her absence will be something you won't be able to ignore. She's an extension of you now and you'll begin to miss her the moment you leave this bed.

There is much to be done, peace is a far away concept right now and you need to bring it closer. How, is still to be seen.

You've never been a person of faith but after sharing a bed with Lexa you're sure you've found your creed in her skin. You'll gladly spend every day until your last day exploring her body and adoring every inch you discover.

When you try to talk to her about your inevitable leave she shushes you and you think it's the most adorable thing she's ever done. She doesn't want to end this moment, she knows what's coming and so do you.

You ask about her back tattoo but you immediately know you've hit a tender spot. But still, you know she'll tell you the meaning that is forever inked to her when she's ready because you'll come back and all the hard work you've done will be rewarded with time for yourselves. Time that you'll make sure to spend with her and only her because you've wasted too much of it already, holding a grudge that was never meant to be there.

She smiles and she's beautiful. She's radiant, she's playful and she's kissing you. You hold her hand as your lips meet hers eagerly. She's not your first kiss but you're suddenly certain that her lips will be the last you taste.

She's gentle, she's caring, she's patient and in this moment, in this bed, she's yours as you are hers.

Her fingers don't waver on their quest to make you come undone for a second time today and you are a little quick to get there but she takes it as an achievement and you've come to adore her smile in the past hour to take that away from her. She doesn't know that you're always on the edge when she's next to you.

You know she'll be even quicker to get there as soon as you're touching her and that's exactly why you take it slow. She grows desperate under your touch but the breathless way she says your name puts you on edge again.

You taste her and you're pretty sure you'll never forget her flavor, nor you want to. She bites her fist as you reach out to cup her breasts and she comes all over you with a hard buck of her hips.

You don't bother to wipe your face, she does it for you, all the while blushing adorably and trying to look anywhere else but into your amused eyes.

She's beautiful. She's so beautiful and you don't deserve to have her love. But you do and more often than not you catch yourself wondering why. You aren't exactly a good person, especially towards her.

You guess is in her nature because despite what she's been taught, she still loves, she is full of love and she's not about to give up on it. You've seen her with her people, with her initiates, with her maidens, with her guards and time after time, you've witnessed her kindness, you've seen how deep she cares.

It seem like a life time ago when she told you that _love is weakness._ She's not that person anymore and you have changed as well.

You spend away minute after minute kissing her, committing to memory the softness of her lips on yours, the salty taste of dry tears on her cheeks, the smoothness of her jaw underneath your lips. And she holds you, she holds you tight, she squeezes you, she doesn't want to let go and you don't want her to either.

But the time is up and you do, you disentangle yourself from her body and she tries to be collected but you know she's hurting because you're hurting too.

You decide you like better when she's taking off her clothes than when she's putting them back on. You stare and she's the one to pick up your shirt from the floor and when she dresses you your heart feels it might explode.

She smiles sadly but encouragingly, and runs her hands up and down your arms before you rest your head on her chest and she's shushing you again because you're suddenly crying. You don't want to leave but you have to.

You don't know how you'll go by without her hands smoothing down your back or the feel of her against you, strong and protective, loving. You'll survive being without her but you'll suffer too.

Her lips press on your forehead the moment you look up and you kiss her lips instead. And your mind paints pretty pictures in your head where you both greet morning everyday together forevermore.

You want her. You've never wanted anything as badly as you want her with you.

Noticing how wonderful and messy her hair looks you sit her back down on the bed and you fix it for her. There is not a moment when she stops smiling at you and you _know_ she wants you just as badly.

You imagine yourself not only being able to fix her hair but also washing it, braiding it, drying it. You imagine sitting alone with her and doing nothing, saying nothing. You imagine dining with her, drinking with her, cooking with her.

You want her.

When her hair is once again what it was before you had your hands gripping it tightly, you cup her face and she pulls you closer, burying her face in your stomach, her arms tightening around your hips and you wrap yours around her too.

Why is it that even though neither one of you wants to let go, you still have to.

You will yourself not to cry again and she composes herself as she stands to tower two inches taller than you.

With one last kiss you both leave her room. You fear you might not come back, not because you don't want to but because you have no means to control what the future holds.

You're scared but her shoulder grazes yours reminding you of her presence and you know that at least you've had this.

It becomes obvious that the reason of your fear is not misplaced. You knew Titus disliked you from the beginning. You knew he was the one telling Lexa to live her life alone. You knew he was growing desperate. What you didn't know is the lengths he is obviously willing to go to do what he believes is right.

He points a gun at you even before you register Murphy's presence on the side of your bed, tied and gagged. You panic, Lexa is behind you, she'll walk into your room at any second and the last thing you want is for her to get hurt.

You're leaving, he knows you're leaving but his hands shake as he shoots at you. You're fast, you dodge the bullet. You hear the door opening, you hear another shot and you watch Lexa hit the floor.

You run, Titus runs, the gun forgotten and Lexa is bleeding on the floor.

For a moment you lose your breath, your chest aches and burns, and you think you'll succumb to her wounds right along with her. Titus is panicking and you are too.

Black blood spills on the floor but Lexa sits up with her hand pressing on her ribs where blood is still pouring out. You blink confusedly and air finally becomes available, you breathe again.

She's in pain, you know it, but her face if hard, angry and absolutely dangerous. You are crying. Sobs ripping through you as if you were alone but you can't stop them. You can barely breathe, let alone focus.

You have never been as terrified in your life as when you saw her hit the ground.

She's screaming at Titus and guards run inside the room. You're by her side, her free hand is pressing on your cheek as you rip her shirt open and remove her bloody hand to check on her.

It's a graze, the bullet didn't even go inside of her. It's just a graze that has ripped her skin apart but that it will heal. She's not in danger, not from this. She'll live.

Titus is apologizing, he's desperate to make her understand as she rubs a soothing motion on your cheek with her thumb. She knows how shaken you are and she refuses to put all of her attention on the man that just threatened both of your lives.

He's taken by two guards and Lexa finally turns to you. She's fine, she's not lying when she tells you that it hurts but not as bad as other wounds could have.

You push her to your bed and she sits as you rip one of your sheets and press against her wound to stop the bleeding. She has to call for an emergency meeting but you're not letting her go anywhere until you've cleaned and stitched her up.

She startles when she notices Murphy tied to your bed. And she might have suggested that you don't free him but she limits herself to eye him warily as he helps you get some water and you find the first aid kit your mom left on her brief visit to Polis.

You kiss her before falling on your knees by her side. You don't care about Murphy seeing you this way. And Lexa reassures you again with words that fall from lips that you know could be sealed forever.

Your tears see no end but her hands on your cheeks are still strong and solid. She's alive. She got shot but it was only a graze and she's alive.

Your sobs turn into sharp intakes of breath as you clean her wound and stitch her up. She doesn't complain about the pain, not once, but her muscles twitch every time you pinch her with the needle. When you're done she pulls you up and kisses away your tears.

"Don't be afraid, _ai niron._ Don't be afraid." You only cry harder at hearing her words and you cling to her desperately.

You could have lost her today, the blood covering your hands is proof of it. She could have died and you can't imagine that world, one without her.

"I love you." You choke out, your lips close to her ear, your throat tight. You can barely breathe although you know she's fine. "I love you."

Her arms tighten around you and her hands come up to cup your face delicately. She's smiling but there are tears gathering in her eyes. When she kisses you, you taste her desperation as well as yours, you taste her tears but most of all, you taste her life.

"I love _you._ " She accentuates her declaration with another kiss and only separates when you hear a loud throat clearing.

Murphy is still in your room and he's awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to another, his gaze adverse from you but still visibly uncomfortable.

You wish you had more time to bask in the glow of your declarations but Lexa is questioning Murphy and things you didn't know were possible come to light.

You wash your hands and try not to think about the blood anymore. Lexa is still talking to Murphy when you return with a wet cloth and clean her hands as well and you're not blind to how domestic you must look but you're also not blind to how little you care anymore. You almost lost her today!

When Octavia and Indra burst through the doors, worried looks and exuding anger you know you won't leave and you tell them as much. Lexa tries to remove everyone from your room but you don't allow it, you know she'll try to send you on your way but you are not leaving her and no one will change your mind.

Lexa is adamant to let Murphy go, he knows too much, she tells you in confidence. Octavia promises you that Pike will fall and you believe her. For once you don't feel as if your place is with them and you aren't about to abandon your _home._

Lexa is rushing to meeting after meeting and you don't leave her side for a second.

You realize that you do have time and this is it, you don't have to wait for peace to take it, your time is your present and you won't waste it anymore.

…


End file.
